Nonsense lyrics have always been popular in music e.g. Da Do Ron Ron, Ob-la-Di Ob-la-Da,  and the sentiments expressed in most love songs...

Love tips

This page is a just quick overview of 'Love Tips'. If you just want to listen to the music on this theme click on the pages:
* Friendship
* Lovers and partners
* Children


Highly recommended: 'In Harmony' from 'The Little
Mermaid' (
Lyrics)

Catchy tune, bad advice
The only 'formal' education I got about relationships when I was growing up was from movies and pop songs. Mainly pop songs. Not a good idea. Relationship therapist Harville Hendrix (no relation to Jimi as far as I know) said that four sentences sum up romantic love in both popular songs and the real lives of his clients:

  1. 'I know we've just met, but somehow I feel as if I already know you'
  2. 'We've only been seeing each other for a short time, (but) I can't remember when I didn't know you'
  3. 'When I'm with you, I no longer feel alone; I feel whole, complete'
  4. 'I can't live without you'

He points out however that the romantic stage of love never lasts. It is based on an illusion, a wish fulfilment. Both people are subconsciously confusing the other person with their parents. They are hoping to get the love they never had from them or have lost. This however is not a good basis for a lasting adult relationship.

Good advice (though no real beat)
Although the most common subject in pop songs is love and sex, I can find only a handful that have any useful positive messages. So if you want a good relationship I'd suggest not listening to the radio but reading some of these books instead:

  • 'Getting the Love you Want'. Harville Hendrix
  • 'Passage to Intimacy'. Lori H Gordon
  • 'A Little Love in the Real World'. Rhonda Pritchard
  • 'Don't Sweat the Small Stuff in Love'. Richard and Kris Carlson

They are all quite different. If you haven't the time to read them, below is my quick summary of what I got out of them plus bits and pieces from other things.

  1. Being in a couple isn't the only way of being loved and getting your needs met. Cultivate a range of friendships

  2. It's not mainly about picking the right person but about being skilled in working at the relationship

  3. It's really difficult to change another person. You might however be able to change yourself

  4. Be self aware. Why are you choosing this person? Is what you don't like about them, really a problem you have? Most of us are living out scripts that our family and society has taught us. The lines of these scripts are held in place by emotion, often fear

  5. Accept all feelings in yourself or the other person. (This isn't the same thing of course as saying acting on these feelings is necessarily OK.)
     
  6. Really listen to the other person's feelings.(Learn to listen and listen to learn.) Try feeding back to them what they have said. This way they will feel heard and you can correct any misunderstandings

  7. Look out for the underlying need the other person has and may or may not be aware of
     
  8. Separate observing what the other person is saying or doing from making a judgement about it

  9. Don't criticize. Accept criticism either as a true and as useful learning or as untrue, but like rain. It will pass

  10. Accept that a relationship isn't about winning but about learning 

  11. Make requests of the other person. Don't give orders. Be specific not vague in what you want

  12. Accept their right to say no

  13. Say sorry. Accept that neither of you are perfect

  14. Do things together that are fun. Lots of things 

  15. Constantly forgive yourself for not always living up to the previous 14 points. (But never give up.)

If you like the 'Passage to Intimacy' book you might want to check out PAIRS the organisation behind it. They run courses in the States but at the moment aren't running any in the UK.

'Friends - I'll Be There For You'
Academic studies into life satisfaction or what makes a contented society, show that money alone is not the answer. Being poor does cause unhappiness but after people get a fairly low level of income, extra cash makes little difference. More important to them is the state of their relationships with lovers, friends and family. So I've also included songs about other forms of love in the jukebox. The ones about children are inspirational and advice songs. I'm nor looking to include any that are simply celebrating a particular child.

I think these songs about children, family and friends are particularly good to share with other people. So you may want to forward them when a new child is born or on birthdays or other special occasions. If you do I'd be really grateful if you mentioned the jukebox. Cheers.


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